August 15th, football practice & media day

Spencer started high school. A freshman. It is hard to believe just a few more years and he will be graduating. He is already talking about what he wants to do after he graduates school. He mentioned being a sports medicine doctor, he loves history and threw around the idea of being a history teacher but after a few days of JROTC he is now talking about joining the Air Force.

I am amazed every day how quickly he is growing up. How tall he is and how proud I am of the man he is becoming.

I didn't get any early morning before the sun comes up pictures this year of him for the first day of school. But I definitely took my camera to his football practice and media day. Jerome took off work early to be there for media day, even though it wasn't at all what we expected (to much Friday Night Lights I guess), but we enjoyed it anyway.

I can't wait for the football games to start, the cold chill in the air, the sound of the announcer and players on the field, the crowd.....everything about the football games he is in I love.

He told me the other day he wasn't going to play next year because he dad won't be here to see him play.....I reminded him that I enjoy watching him play. "Yes, but you don't understand football like dad does", he said to me and laughed. "It doesn't matter how much I understand....I understand it enough to know when to cheer for my son out on the football field", I told him.



Jerome was yelling, "Run freshman run!" in his best Forest Gump voice to Spencer here, we were all laughing. Natalie actually took this shot and the two that follow. I LOVE this picture of the two of them. Jerome is so proud to watch him play and Spencer loves the football bond they share between them.





I love that Natalie took those pictures.

Spencer had to take an X-Large football helmet. I won't say what they call the yellow things that go on them at practice....but they couldn't get Spencer's on his helmet.

He practiced hard that day. I was surprised, because he had had very little sleep the night before, went to school all day and then practice right after. It didn't take him long to fall asleep once we were home that evening though.



Bear Crawls.

Running.


Water Break.


End of practice and time to head home, fill out a million papers, dinner and get ready for the next day of school.
Our life stays so busy during this time of year, so busy sometimes I feel like I'll go crazy with all the running around. But watching Spencer out on the field playing the game he loves.....it is all worth it.

August 15th, First Day of School

The first day of school.

Natalie is in 5th grade this year.

Katie is in 4th grade.

They spent a lot more time getting ready this year for the first day of school. Natalie excitedly put on her make up. While Katie put on her clothes she had meticulously picked out a week before school even started.

Natalie picked out a backpack on looks, Katie picked out a backpack on size. She went through three backpacks last year. I continually reminded her that she didn't need to bring everything home, but she insisted. She picked out one this year that she was sure to be able to carry her school supplies to and from school every day that wouldn't tear up. And even though she rarely pulls all the stuff out that she carries home and to school everyday, she is a happy camper knowing it is tucked away neatly in her backpack.

I'm glad I was able to get one of them smiling together that morning. Because that afternoon, when the bus ran I could hear them arguing with each other all the way home.

I closed the door and sucked in that last few minutes of quiet for that day. They came stomping up the steps arguing.
Natalie burst in the door saying, "Mom! Katie is ruining my 5th grade year already!"
"No I'm NOT!", Katie screamed. Then I calmly asked Natalie what happened that she is so upset about.
"Well, she insisted on sitting in the back of the bus! Only 5th graders are supposed to be sitting in the back of the bus.I've waited my WHOLE life to get to sit on the back of the bus! And now this year I'm in 5th grade and Katie is not and she sat in the back of the bus and when all of us 5th graders told her to move she wouldn't and she was yelling and told us that she could sit anywhere she wanted to!", Natalie wailed.
Katie very matter of factly replied, "Well, I asked Mr. AlJo if I could sit in the back and he said that I could, so I did."
"But YOU AREN'T SUPPOSE TO KATIE!", Natalie screamed.
Obviously, there is an unwritten rule that only 5th graders are allowed to sit in the back of the bus. All the kids from school know it and have always gone by the unwritten rule.

So after calming both of the girls down and insisting they QUIT yelling at each other. I sat down with Katie and explained to her that even though she could sit in the back because Mr. AlJo said she could, it doesn't mean that she should. I reminded her that she will be a 5th grader next year and will want to have that privileged feeling of being able to sit back that with the 5th graders only, and that she wouldn't want some 1st grader back there because it was her turn be be that 5th grader who gets to sit in the back of the bus. She sadly agreed and also agreed to not sit in the back and that she would wait her turn.

Thirty minutes later they were outside jumping on the trampoline laughing and having fun together again.

They have been like this since they were little. They will argue with each other like crazy then not ten minutes later are laughing and playing and having fun. I just hope they don't continue this pattern in high school. I hope that they can learn how to work out their differences without yelling at each other. How to be not only sisters but best friends. How to respect each other and each other's belongings.

Time sure does have a way of sneaking up on you. I can't believe how much all three of our kids have grown. I was curious to see and compare this years first day of school picture with their kindergarten year. I still remember each of their first day of school, Spencer was sleepy but excited, Natalie was beyond excited and Katie was timid and nervous about her first day.

I don't have one of Spencer to show for this year. It is the first year I didn't take one of him in the early morning darkness before he catches the bus. This year he was up until midnight the night before school working on a school project that was due the very first day of school. He had put it together wrong and had to redo the whole thing.

I just couldn't help but think to myself, "Good one....great way to start the year off on the right foot.....up until midnight helping on a school project that he had ALL SUMMER to finish".

When Spencer came home from school, he reminded me that I also forgot to get chocolate waffles for breakfast.....it is a small tradition that was unknowingly started as a tradition Spencer's second year of school.

August 12th, Soaking up the last bit of summertime.

The last day of summer vacation we spent the day being lazy.
Natalie and Katie played with our neighbor's grandkids at the pond. They were fishing and catching turtles most of the day. Molly enjoyed watching them and would "sniff" the turtles after they would catch them and then watch them throw them back into the pond.






Spencer however waited until the week before school starts to begin reading his required English reading of "Cleopatra's Daughter". He spent most of the day in the rocker on the porch finishing up reading his book.


Then he spent the rest of the evening working on the project that was due the very first day of school. It was 10:30pm when he finished the project only to learn he had put it together wrong. Thankfully Jerome had picked him up a few extra pieces of posterboard and he was able to redo his project. He climbed in bed very late that night. I couldn't help but think this is exactly how NOT to start the school year off.
He had no problem reading the first book, "Maximum Ride", he couldn't put that book down and had it finished before the first week of summer was completed. If only he had done the same for the honors English book.....

August 8th, Sick.

Katie seems to take after me when it comes to ear infections. She always seems to have them.

This one was a bad one though. Her pediatrician prescribed her antibiotic ear drops but after a night of crying and sleeping in bed with me and Jerome I knew I needed to take her back in. Her ear canal was almost swollen shut and all this time I just thought the medicine wasn't working (actually, it wasn't, because it wasn't getting to the place it needed to be).



A few days later she was sleeping back in her own room and running around playing outside.

Catching Up

Wow, I can't believe it has been so long since I have written anything here. We have been so busy, time has just gotten away from me. I have kept up with taking pictures and making memories, just haven't kept up on writing about them.
I guess now that the kids are all in school I can make time for it. The next few posts will obviously be out of sequence....until I can catch up.

{ Emotions }

Last week was one I am glad to put behind me.

Our kids have been struggling with knowing Jerome is going to be deploying.

Spencer hasn't been sleeping well at night. He told me the other day, "I can't sleep at night mom. I just lay there and can't get dad leaving off of my mind. I am upset he has to go."

We talked a little bit about it. I reminded him that his dad doesn't leave for at least six more months. I told him his dad reminded me the other night that he doesn't want us to be sad now, he wants us to just enjoy every day together.

He said, "I know mom, but it still hurts."

I told him I know and that I understand how he is feeling. Truth be known I feel the same.

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The week before that Spencer was making things to hang on his wall in his bedroom. I noticed a paper with numbers, somewhat of a countdown. I didn't say anything to him, I've found that sometimes it is better to just let them come to you.

Later that evening he asked me to come look at what he had hung up on his wall.

He was happy and excited to show me.

My eyes first wondered to the paper with numbers, "What's this?" I asked him. He didn't say anything....but I knew what it was.

Then I looked up above that paper and read what he had wrote on another paper and hung on his wall.

The paper said, "With great power, comes great responsibility".

"That's from Spiderman, right?" I asked him.

He was silent.

I knew without turning around to look at him that something was wrong....I could just feel it.

I turned around, his face was flushed and he was holding back what looked like the weight of the world on his shoulders.

Then the words of that quote rang in my head. And I realized what he was thinking, or somewhat feeling.

"Do you feel like you are responsible for us when your dad is away?" I asked him.

He broke down crying and said, "Yes. Everyone keeps saying I'll be the man of the house when he leaves."

My heart broke into a million pieces for him. I gave him a hug, he cried on my shoulder. And I told him that that is just something people say. I told him the only responsibility he has is to concentrate on his academics, work hard on football and keep up with his stuff here at home, nothing that isn't expected of him when his dad is here. About that time Jerome came home from work, heard us talking back in Spencer's room and came back there with us.

Jerome sat down on his bed with him and asked him what was bothering him. The three of us had a long talk. We did a lot of reassuring Spencer that everything was going to be OK, that he needs not to worry about all of this right now and that his dad is there for him to talk to, even when he is deployed.....he reminded him that we will still be able to communicate with each other when he is deployed.
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Time with Dad.

Saturday we spent the day with Jerome at a military family day.

They all packed their swim suits and were ready for a day of fun.

This is my very favorite picture from the day.

Katie has always loved her Daddy throwing her up in the air to splash in the pool water, even before she was even two years old. She has always been our "water baby" (what we've always called her because of her love for the water).

I think this picture says it all.

How much she loves her Daddy and just how much she loves that he can still pick her up and throw her in the water.

Natalie had her fair share of getting picked up and tossed by her Daddy in the pool too.

Spencer was there too, he just has a way of disappearing when I turn the camera to him.

This is what I have of him......

I am trying to make sure to capture as many moments of us with Jerome as I can.

I know next year when the summer is getting long, and the deployment feels like it will never end, we can look back and remember these hot summer days with him.

 Splashing in the pool and being together as a family.

Natalie and Katie were saying "HELLO" underwater.

We all had a fun day Saturday.

I'm looking forward to more Saturday's spent together as a family.

I know I haven't been writing a lot lately. I think we are still learning to adjust to knowing he is deploying again. I have many more things to write, but for now I just don't want to talk or write about the deployment. Right now it seems easier to just keep it far away from thought and just not think about it. I want to enjoy each and every moment we have together as a family.

~Amber Hope

{ a month in pictures: May }

May has been an eventful month for us. We have stayed very busy and finished up all the projects and homework assignments that were needed to complete the school year before starting our summer vacation.

1. Natalie had a wonderful teacher this year, Mrs. Morton. Her teacher had the kids do an in class project of taking care of eggs that soon became little chicks. Natalie begged for weeks to bring one home when it was time. I finally gave in and we happily brought "Buddy" home from school.

2. Spencer and Jerome took a paintballing trip with several of their friends. I'm glad they are able to make some of these good memories this summer.

3. The girls and I made these mini cherry cheesecakes for Memorial Day.

4. Jerome spent two weeks out of May in Williamsburg for military training.

5. Natalie and Katie enjoyed splashing in the pool with their neighborhood friends, Autumn and Cheyanne. We had a cookout Memorial Day and had a great time visiting with close friends.

{ hopscotch days }

Hopscotch days are here to stay for a while. School is out, the weather is hot and the evenings carry over into the night. Our girls have been filling their days and evenings with hopscotch, splashing in the pool, running and playing with the neighbor's girls and eating all the popcicles in the freezer. It feels like summer, finally, and they are enjoying every minute of it.

{ chickadee }

Natalie had a wonderful fourth grade teacher this year. Everyday while they were doing this chic project at school Natalie would come home and tell me about what they had learned that day. She had an orthodontist appointment one day and was very anxious to get back to school because they were doing something very important with the eggs that day.

Along with this, she asked me every.single.day. if she could bring her chick home when it hatched. I right away didn't like the idea because I know little chicks become big roosters or hens....and that I didn't want. I repeatedly told her if I wanted to live on a farm and raise chickens I would have and that I really, really didn't want to have a chicken. Then I would remind her how often we have to tell them to feed or water Molly, our dog.....that they begged for too.

Eventually I gave in. She was so into this project at school and really, really wanted to bring her chick home. The day we picked the chick up from school you would have thought it was Christmas morning. She talked to her chick and held it close to her, then looked at me and gave me a hug and a thank you for letting the chick come home with us.

I couldn't wait to get my camera out to take some pictures of Natalie and her new chick, which she named "Buddy".  I took a lot of pictures and laughed watching her with her new chick. It started pecking at her arm and she laughed and said, "Buddy likes my freckles! He is pecking at my freckles!".

That was about two weeks ago. Since then we have ALL become attached to Buddy. He is getting bigger every day. Natalie agreed when I told her that we could bring Buddy home that when he got to big to stay inside that he would go to her friends house who has a farm and a good place where Buddy can live.

Natalie is tired of cleaning up after Buddy and asked me today when we were going to take Buddy to another home to live. I asked her why and she said, "Oh, I don't know. He makes a big messes now." I think she is ready for him to go, but everything is reversed now and I, I am not ready to see Buddy go.

{ acceptance }

I had hoped to wake up this morning not having those same feelings I felt falling asleep to last night. Even though I hit the ground running, getting the kids ready for school, then on to Spencer's eye exam and then back to school again.....I couldn't help but come home and cry.

I woke up to it. I went through my morning routine with it. I carried on conversations with my kids with it. Then finally I came home and was alone with it. It finally pulled me to a point where I couldn't ignore it. I cried. And then I cried some more. I felt like I couldn't function today. I did nothing but mope all day, in this depressed mode of trying to accept the fact that he will be deploying again. Whether I want it or not, he will be going.

I managed to make it through the day, then on to voice lessons for Natalie and drum lessons for Spencer. Once Spencer was back in the lesson room for his lessons I took the girls out to the car. I just couldn't hardly hold my head up, I was exhausted and nautious, everything felt like it was spinning, my head was  hurting and I just wanted to be away from everything. I don't know what is going on. It feels like a deep depression of knowing he is leaving us again. I am trying to accept it. But it is hard. I don't want to accept it. I want to pretend like he isn't going. I want to be able to function again. I want these feelings inside of me to just go away.

I put the kids to bed, kissed them goodnight. Then Jerome called and I was able to talk to him for just a bit. Not long, not even enough time to tell him how I've been feeling. And to, there is that part of me that doesn't want to tell him how I'm feeling. I'm supposed to be strong right? I'm supposed to be supportive and not burden him with this while he is away....right? But I so very much wanted to tell him. I wanted to cry and tell him how much it is hurting inside trying to accept this. But there wasn't time.

So tonight as I stepped over the paper, markers, scissors and crayons from the school projects we had to make this evening, I decided since there is no one to talk to I would write it out. Let all the words be my feelings, but somehow I can't. I'm telling myself to pull it together. He isn't gone yet, he doesn't leave for several months. The markers and crayons laying in the floor beside me are a reminder to pull it together. If not for my own sanity, for our kids. They don't need a mom who isn't functioning, who isn't distracted while making a postcard of Vermont (one of the projects). They need a mom who is strong, who is able to face this challenge again and not worry about what tomorrow brings. They need me. If they can't have their daddy right now, they need me to be there....to really be there and be strong.

Tomorrow is another day. I'm leaving the crayons and markers where they are for tonight. That way in the morning it will be a reminder to myself to pull it together. If not for myself, for them. I need to accept that he is leaving and the sooner I can accept it, I'm thinking maybe the sooner I'll feel better.

~Amber Hope

{ time }

I never knew how important time was until I started counting down the days.

You realize just how quickly it slips through your fingers.

How quickly the moments flash by you, one after the other.

And in each moment wanting to just stop time, right there where it is so that you don't have to face the unbearing truth of knowing that the time to say goodbye once again is coming.

I've tried tucking it away, the knowing that these next few months are going to go by so quickly. I've tried not thinking about it. Not letting myself remember the heartache and worry that sets in the very moment you let time start moving again.

But like all things, I guess it catches up with you.

Tonight it has caught up with me.

He is in Williamsburg, VA right now training. He has been gone four days. Four days and I am missing him terribly. And with that missing him the heartache and worry has set in. The thought that keeps going through my mind, "this is it. this is how it was, lonely, a quiet house at night" the realization that I am and will be all alone all to soon.

I can't stand it. I don't want it. I don't want to feel this heartache again. This feeling of emptiness and being alone to face whatever life brings at me while he is gone. I am not ready.

~Amber Hope

{ dreams. }

A few weeks ago me, Jerome and the girls watched our wedding. They had never watched it before and loved it.

Well, except for the crazy hair that everyone had....they were rollling in laughter at some of the hairstyles.

They laughed at Jerome's "knee socks" and asked him why he was wearing knee socks in the wedding. He told them they weren't knee socks, laughing, and then told them they were Navy dress leggings and something special he wore for a surprise for their mommy.

Katie laughed and said, "Well.....they look like knee socks".

When the wedding ended, Natalie looked at us and asked us how much a wedding costs. We told her A LOT if you have a big wedding these days.

Then she smiled a sweet smile and said, "Well, I want a big wedding".

We laughed and told her she had better start saving for it now.

          -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Never, not once did I think Natalie took what we said to heart.

There is a new store that opened in the mall called Charming Charlie, I've been promising them a trip there to buy something if they can keep up with their chores and earn their own money to buy something.

This evening, Natalie and I had a conversation that made me laugh and smile.........and pull her close to me and give her a hug.

The conversation went a little something like this:

Me:   Natalie, pretty soon you'll have enough money saved to go to Charming Charlie.

Natalie: (very matter of fact like) Mom.....I'm not saving my money for Charming Charlie!

Me: (rather confused, then looked at her)  Well, what are you saving your money for?

Natalie: (very excitedly) My WEDDING!!

Me: Your wedding?

Natalie: (very matter of fact again) Yes....you and daddy said if I wanted a big wedding I needed to start saving for it now.

Me: (thinking this would be a good time to have a conversation just her and I) What kind of wedding do you want to have?

Natalie: I want a big wedding. I want a trane that is long....but not froofy like yours was!! I want it to cover my face. I want a long dress with sleeves.

Me:   That sounds very pretty.

Natalie:   Yes. And.....I want to marry a military man!

Me: (very surprised) A military man huh?

Natalie: Yes.

Me:   Well then, what kind of military man?

Natalie:   One with a nice uniform, not knee socks like daddy's. A uniform that is black, blue, gold and red.

Me: Do you mean a Marine?

Natalie: Yes, I like that uniform. It looks nice.

Me: Oh.....I see. (smiling)

There was a little pause and then......

Natalie:   Is it hard being married to a military man mommy?

Me:   It's a tough life chic.....but it is wonderful.

Then we just snuggled and she went on and on about her wedding. What her bridesmaids would wear. What kind of cake she wanted. What kind of flowes she would have.

I laid there and held her while she talked.

Realizing that these moments won't last long.

That pretty soon these wedding dreams she has planned really will be coming true.

And in that little space of time....I just wanted to remember her being little. Her telling me all of her dreams and plans for when she grows up.

{ the call.... }

Today we received the call.

The call that I knew was coming, but had hoped that it wouldn't.

The call that is sending my husband to Afghanistan again.

The call that will turn our lives upside down.....again.

We were having a normal day. Jerome had taken the day off to get some things done that he had been needing to. The kids were running in and out of the house barefoot....they were enjoying the weather outside and playing with all the neigbor kids. I was on the phone laughing with April about something that I can't remember now. Jerome walked in the room, looked at me and asked me who I was talking to. He had that look on his face. I hurriedly hung up the phone. We went to our bedroom and that is when he told me, "Amber, that was it.....that was the call".

I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. But instead I stood there frozen......numb. I wanted to pretend that what he had just told me hadn't really just happened.

He put his hands on my arms and pulled me close to him. I knew he thought I would have cried.....but I was just numb. I wanted to cry, but I just stood there frozen.

Then he said to me, "It will all be OK, we made it through this before, we can do it again. Besides, this time you won't have to worry about me as much. I'll be on a much safer base."

Those words kept repeating over and over in my head, "you won't have to worry about me as much". Then it hit me. I remembered the feeling of going to bed at night, unable to sleep because I was worried about him. How I spent every.waking.moment. trying to function and make it through the day with the "normal stuff" and try to keep my mind distracted and away from all the worry.

Then I cried.

I cried and he held me and promised me it would all be OK.

Then there was a knock on our bedroom door. It was one of our girls, they were wanting Jerome to fix their bicycle. I wiped my eyes, looked at him and smiled, he smiled back and then we opened the door to the normal day we were having before the call.

{ the simple things }

There it waits.

The tire swing swing under the old sycamore tree.

Waiting.

Waiting for summer to arrive.

Waiting for bare feet to swing it back and forth.

Waiting for little hands to hold on tight.

Waiting for kids to spin round and round in circles filling the air with laughter.

Waiting for summer to arrive.

We had a break in the weather earlier this week. The kids played on the tire swing late into the evening. When I told them it was time to come inside to get cleaned up and ready for bed, they begged to play outside just a little bit longer.

I can't wait for summer to get here. To watch the kids play in the yard and swing in circles round and round on the tire swing. Just a few more weeks and summer break will will be here.

There is one sure sign of our kids getting older. That is that the tire swing is to low to the ground for them now. I guess their daddy will have to tie the rope up a little taller for them this year.

{ Spencer Andrew }

It has been a busy couple of weeks.

Spencer took his school trip to Washington D.C. and had a great time. Jerome joined the group going and they both came home with a lot of D.C. stories and tired from all the walking and trying to sleep in the bus.

Then not long after that the kids were out on spring break. The girls and I took a trip to Ohio, Jerome had military in Williamsburg and Spencer went with a few friends to camp at the Greenbrier River in his friend's family's cabin.

The girls and I spent the week shopping for summer clothes, antiquing and having fun. Spencer spent the weekend fishing, tubing down the river, going to a local festival in Lewisburg and just hanging out with his friends.

Yesterday was the last day of spring break. Jerome had drill and the girls had spent the week with Grammie and Poppie and visiting their cousins. Jerome had to pick them up yesterday after drill and called to let me know they were going to dinner with Grann and Aunt Pam and they would be home later. So Spencer and I went to see a movie, got a bite to eat and came home. It was a pretty day and I had been wanting to get some pictures of him. We went and shot some pictures and I took a lot. It has been a long time since he has decided to cooperate for pictures, and...this time I didn't even have to bribe him either!

I took a lot of pictures. I plan to post more later. Right now I need to get dinner finished.

~Amber Hope

{ light shining through }

Yesterday evening, after a hard rainstorm, Natalie came running inside from the porch where she had been watching the rain fall. "Mommy, Mommy! You have to come and see the sky how pretty it is!", she said to me. I walked out on the porch and smiled as I looked up at the beautiful sky. "You're right", I told her, "It is a pretty sky this evening isn't it?". She then looked at me, put her hands together, letting me know she was getting ready to ask me something that she thought the answer would be no to. "Mommy, can I please, please, please use your camera and take a picture of the sky?", she asked me. I smiled and said, "Of course you can, just please be careful". She gave me a big hug and ran inside to get my camera. I showed her a few things on it, set it to auto for her and went inside to pull a load of clothes out of the dryer.

She came back in the house after some time and proudly showed me all the pictures she had taken. I told her how good they were.

Last night after putting the girls to bed, I loaded up her pictures and the one above caught my attention. I think it is beautiful. She did a beautiful job of holding a big camera in her tiny hands and capturing what she saw as beauty, the sky showing through our worn out American flag hanging from our front porch.

~Amber Hope

{ beauty smiling at me. }

7:15am
Time to start hurrying everyone along.
Insist Spencer eat something for breakfast.
Kiss my husband goodbye for the day.
Close the door.
Braid Katie's hair.
Sign Natalie's homework.
Pack a blueberry muffin for breakfast at school.
Hear the school bus and hurry my girls along.
Kiss them goodbye and hand them a muffin.
Watch them catch the bus.
Close the door.
Open the windows.
Smell the spring air and love feeling it blow through the windows.
Start a load in the wash.
Walk in the kitchen to start my day.
Stop.
Stop, look in the window and smile.
Smile at the beautiful flowers Natalie picked for me the other day, root and all.

{ sisters. }

This was taken at my youngest sister's high school graduation. It is a favorite picture of mine, one with all four of us. There were quite a bit of emotions going on this day, more than can be expressed. But I look back at this picture and see the strength in all of us.
I think this is the picture I would have picked for The Pioneer Woman contest of "sisters" but I didn't know she had contests. I will be entering more pictures in her upcoming contests soon!